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06 February 2009 @ 12:38 am
FIC: Desperation (2/2) HIMYM  
Title: Desperation
Rating: Adult - warning - explicit sex (M/F/M - Devil's threeway), implied S&M, angst and dark, adult themes
Written for: An extremely belated response to masterful_liar 's Dark Option in Drabblethon
Summary: As Robin continues without a job, she gets more and more depressed and she developed damaging behavior that she doesn't even bother to hide from her friends. When Barney tries to help her, Ted steps in to rescue them both.
Fandom: HIMYM, Barney/Ted/Robin
Spoilers for: AU from the end of Three Days of Snow (The Possimpible never happened)
Word count: 1189 in part two


 

4. Ted

 

          All he wants to do is to fix them. Ted can't stand to see them both in such pain, to see them both so out of sync that with every turn they shred each other's skin.

          When he holds Barney, when he touches Barney, he sees the flicker of interest in Robin's eyes and Ted realises what he can do to help.

          He's always wondered what it would be like to kiss Barney. There have been times, when they've both been drunk and curled up on the sofa, or horsing around playing video games that he's only just been able to control the impulse to reach out to his friend. Barney's reaction is just what he expects it to be. He's a little bit disgusted, a little bit confused by Ted's boldness and possibly a little bit turned on.

          Ted can feel Robin, the heat of her hands, her nose nuzzling his neck as Barney suddenly and unexpectedly launches himself on Ted, palms either side of Ted's face, kissing him impulsively and thoroughly. Ted's instantly hard and thinking Oh god oh god we're doing this and he's pressed up against the back of the sofa, Barney's tongue down this throat, Robin's fingers pulling at his thigh and it feels like they are making love to each other through him.

          There's desperation but no pain. There's need but no self hatred.

          He doesn't feel like the third wheel. He doesn't want to regret this. Ted's hand covers Robin's and pulls it away, waiting patiently for Barney to release him.

          Sex… the first time is always a rush to the finish, the initial swell of desire absolutely needing to be sated. Ted doesn't want that. He doesn't want it over with quickly.

          Barney's confused look is really quite adorable.

          "It's okay…" He says, to Barney, to both of them. "This is okay. I want this. I just… thought we might be more comfortable in my bed?" He laughs, lightly, because this is all still slightly unreal.

          Ted catches the glance that Barney gives Robin, needing her permission, the tiny nod. He gets up and pulls them both to their feet.

 

 

5. Robin

          Robin's lost all her strength, somewhere along the way, lost her ability to breathe, to move, to focus. She wants to hit bottom, so, so badly, but Barney won't let her. He's stepped up behind her and caught her again and again, even though it puts his own back against the broken glass that would have cut her to ribbons.

          She knows, vaguely, that this is above and beyond simple friendship, but all of his actions stick like a lump in her throat, a blind spot that she just can't see. Barney's fuzzy around the edges and if she tries to focus on him even for a second, he just slips away, as if terrified that he'll lose her if she sees him for who he really is.

          In Ted's bed, with Ted's hand between her legs, with Ted's fingers inside her, Robin feels wanted. She feels saved. She feels the beginnings of her sense of self returning. She moans, tears forming in her eyes for the first time in weeks and it's easy to be swept up in the waves of pleasure as she bucks her hips. Ted keeps her on edge, his attention switching back to Barney, kissing Barney, who seems to struggle, trying desperately to find his place in this ménage-á-trios.

          She's so strung out, quivering beneath him, and nothing matters because inside she's building walls and foundations and Ted's right.

          Everything is okay.

          It's incredibly arousing to watch Ted and Barney make out, to watch their naked bodies writhe against each other. It's like a weird, secret fantasy made flesh.

          She loves both of them. She feels something, a deep desire, for both of them.

          But it's Barney who reaches out for her, just to know that she's there. It's Barney whose eyes follow his hands and who looks to her for reassurance.

          And then she knows.

          It's Barney who catches her when she falls.

          It's Barney who follows her into the abyss.

          She twists her body around Ted's and her lips meet Barney's. He tastes strange - salty and cool, like Ted's drained some of the white hot heat from his core. Her lips warm his. She devours him.

          Ted's mouth locks on to one nipple, sucking it into a painful bud. She moans into Barney's mouth.

          Somewhere inside, she feels ashamed.

          She never kissed him. When he beat the pain out of her and fucked away her black pit of despair she never kissed him.

          Tears roll down her cheeks.

 

 

 

6. Barney

 

          Here. This is his place. Now. This is his time. This is what he does best.

          Between the sheets, he is king and they are his subjects. Even with another dude, with body parts that are unfamiliar, it's just a variation on a theme. He knows his own soul and he knows what sounds to listen out for. He goes down on Ted with the same enthusiasm that he does on Robin. He doesn't let either of them come. That's left for later.

          The power thrums in his veins. It thrills him.

          He plays them both and lets them play with him in return. He aches, from his balls all the way back to his spine. He aches but he knows how to keep control.

          It's not Zen, it's not any of that shit. He's Barney Stinson. He's a natural.

          He's the best they'll ever have.

          In the end, they start their final run together, strapped into the rocket as the countdown starts. Barney's inside Robin, eyes locked into hers because even now he'd pull away and jump without a parachute if she gave him the signal.

          Ted's dick is in his hand and he wishes he were two people. He wants to fuck Ted - he's curious. He wants to know what that would be like.

          Robin's hand closes over his own and she joins in the rhythm, him back and forth inside her, Ted's staccato thrusts and groans.

          He feels an intimacy, a closeness that connects the three of them and, through Ted, gets him access to Robin in a way that's almost painful.

          As he comes, he wishes he could tell her he loves her. Why can he say the words to Ted but not to her?

          Perhaps he's said the words so many times that he's devalued their meaning.

          Even as he comes he feels the fringes of despair, of desperation surrounding him, pressing against his senses.

          He's flailing in the darkness but he pushes back against it because Barney Stinson doesn't give in to that sort of weakness.

          Then Robin kisses him.

          And, oh god, she rips out his heart. He dies and he's reborn. He doesn't know if he can cope with this cycle of life and death.

          "I love you," She breathes. He can feel her lips move over his, shaping the words.

          "He loves you too," Ted says, nuzzling his shoulder. His best friend says the words he can't ever say.

          Barney smiles because Robin's got his beating heart in her hands and yet he's safe. Ted's fingers lace through his and Robin's kiss is soft, loving and warm, like a prayer.

          For the first time in more years than he cares to remember, he's happy.



.

 
 
Current Location: Pinchbeck
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Bliss, Muse
 
 
 
[a][m][b][e][r]: neil loves carrotsloquaciousambie on February 6th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
Mmkay jaykay at before. Definitely less dark. It was...heartwarming? Whatever it was, it was good. I like Ted again. :)

And I'm sure Robin wouldn't mind if Barney wanted to give it a go with Ted...*coughpart3*
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 08:54 am (UTC)
>Definitely less dark. It was...heartwarming? Whatever it was, it was good. I like Ted again. :)

Excellent! That's what I like to see. Ted's a nice guy sometimes, you know?

>And I'm sure Robin wouldn't mind if Barney wanted to give it a go with Ted...*coughpart3*

Well, I'm thinking about writing a few short bits around this story. I may do a sequel, I may do a Barney/Robin S&M one.
promethia_tenkpromethia_tenk on February 6th, 2009 01:41 am (UTC)
Wow. Just . . . wow. This is *exactly* what I was hoping for when I said these three have so many issues that deserve to be worked out through smut. Amazing.

>"It's incredibly arousing to watch Ted and Barney make out, to watch their naked bodies writhe against each other. It's like a weird, secret fantasy made flesh."

Hee. Meta much?

>"But it's Barney who reaches out for her, just to know that she's there. It's Barney who's eyes follow his hands and who looks to her for reassurance."

"whose" not "who's"

>"It's not Zen, nor any of that shit."

"Nor" sounds incredibly posh and British to me. I'd go with either "not" or "or."

Or, you know, whatever.
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:26 am (UTC)
>Wow. Just . . . wow. This is *exactly* what I was hoping for when I said these three have so many issues that deserve to be worked out through smut. Amazing.

Way-hey! Thank you so much!

>>"It's incredibly arousing to watch Ted and Barney make out, to watch their naked bodies writhe against each other. It's like a weird, secret fantasy made flesh."
>Hee. Meta much?

Serioiusly, what does "meta" mean? Everyone keeps using this word and I'm clueless about what it means in the context of fan fiction!

As John Oliver once said to Jon Stewart on the Daily Show: "We're English. We'll tell you how words are supposed to be used!" l-)

>"whose" not "who's"

Damn! I always have trouble knowing which of those to use.

>"Nor" sounds incredibly posh and British to me. I'd go with either "not" or "or."

Yeah, I doubted that when I wrote it - it didn't sound American to me. I've changed it to not.
Otemps: Barney glassesotempora42 on February 6th, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC)
Meta as in metafictional. Because of your reference to the slash-lovin'.

This was great, by the way. :D
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
Wow. I've NEVER heard of the term metafiction before! *goes to look this up*

*Feels dumb*

Ohhhhhh.
promethia_tenkpromethia_tenk on February 7th, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC)
>"Serioiusly, what does "meta" mean? Everyone keeps using this word and I'm clueless about what it means in the context of fan fiction!"

"Meta" is when a work of art somehow references its own art-ness (breaking the fourth wall, if you will)--when a novel acknowledges that it's a book, when a TV show does something to acknowledge its audience or the making of the show or the lives of the people who make it (like Lily's hot-dog belly). In this case, Robin's thoughts read like an acknowledgment of those of the fans. In other words, whose "secret fantasy" are we really talking about here?

>"As John Oliver once said to Jon Stewart on the Daily Show: "We're English. We'll tell you how words are supposed to be used!" l-)"

Yes, ma'am. *looks contrite*
idioticonion: Horrible Bowie Deadidioticonion on February 7th, 2009 06:26 pm (UTC)
>"Meta" is when a work of art somehow references its own art-ness

Ach, that's okay. When someone told me it meant "metafiction" I realised what you were going on about!

*facepalm*
Butterflysnogged on February 6th, 2009 01:41 am (UTC)
Wonderful!! Wonderful!! Wonderful!!

This was really just what I needed tonight.

Thanks, hun

Edited at 2009-02-06 01:41 am (UTC)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:26 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad you liked. Is this a Mature_himym thing, do you think?
Butterflysnogged on February 6th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
I'd say so :)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
Done. Can I have a barney/robin/ted tag please?
Butterflysnogged on February 6th, 2009 03:54 pm (UTC)
absolutely!

Just go throw it in there :)

And PS. as a maintainer, you can add new tags too :)
Pattyvoltaires_vice on February 6th, 2009 01:59 am (UTC)
Hey! Do you never log on to your Twitter? Only, I added you. :)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:27 am (UTC)
I've got an account because I was playing with Doogie Howser Twitter and such but I've no idea why I'd ever want to use it to blog!
(Deleted comment)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:29 am (UTC)
Wow! Just... wow! That's amazing feedback! Thank you SO much! Really!

>true-to-character but way out of the normal canon universe... something new and original and chock full of beautiful language and great imagery and this amazing flow of words that just picks up the reader and swirls them away into the stratosphere.

Thank you. I know it's hugely non-canonical and I'm not trying to throw in a load of funny, safe bits. I wasn't entirely sure it works on any level except as an experimental mood-piece but it's wonderful that you've responded so well to it!

I've fixed "breathe". Thank you! :-)
(Deleted comment)
idioticonion: NPH magic weedidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
True. Generally, when I write something horribly dark, I try and chuck in a bit of smut.

>you should write more while drunk lol.

This one wasn't written while *drunk*! You'd better watch out or I'll iguana you! ;-p
(Deleted comment)
idioticonion: Horrible depressingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 11:06 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC)
HAH! Bollocks. You write WONDERFULLY. Stop it!

(and write something! I need inspiration)
jerseystrife: jumperneiljerseystrife on February 6th, 2009 05:32 am (UTC)
At first i was scared that this fic was going to take a direction I wouldn't like. (Angst with no relief).

But this part totally reassured me. I loved this.. seeing everyones emotions and reactions to whats going on. I think its so appropriate that its Ted who tells Robin that Barney loves her. It seems so in character to him... omg... :D

OT random thought: Anyone else notice that Robin, Barney, and Ted have embarrassing teenage moments? Robin Sparkles, Granola Barney, Doctor X.
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:36 am (UTC)
>At first i was scared that this fic was going to take a direction I wouldn't like. (Angst with no relief).

It almost was. The companion piece I'm writing is kind-of a lot darker. Ted always lightens things up in my writing. He saves ME, as well as Barney and Robin.

>But this part totally reassured me. I loved this.. seeing everyones emotions and reactions to whats going on. I think its so appropriate that its Ted who tells Robin that Barney loves her. It seems so in character to him... omg... :D

It's important that it's Ted. It's kind of a way of breaking down their madness. I'd love that to happen in the show (although possibly not in the middle of a three way!) where it's Ted that brings Robin and Barney together.

>OT random thought: Anyone else notice that Robin, Barney, and Ted have embarrassing teenage moments? Robin Sparkles, Granola Barney, Doctor X.

Noooooooooooooo! You evil fic-inspirer!
gammameta: Barney & Robingammameta on February 6th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
Wow. So good. Love. So much softer than I was expecting. Not angst at all. Teary sap at the end. Love!

I can't remember what other fic you wrote where Barney ended up being the sun. You seem to have Ted in this role here. Like he's the Messiah of threesomes, two forefingers together in munificent blessing, and healing the crests and valleys of a benighted sexual kingdom. You even refer to him as Father Ted! (Or was this in reference to the show of that name?)

I never quite think of Ted like this. He can be a bit of a martyr. He would like to be a savior. But he's often so self-absorbed that he doesn't understand the people around him very well. So I'm surprised. But I loved that he was able to step in and change their dynamic together. Bring them to love. Ted is good at doing that for other people. Sometimes I wonder if Marshall and Lily would be so strong if it wasn't for Ted being there to sustain and challenge them without ever breaking them.

These parts were beautiful. Such good writing:
He's stepped up behind her and caught her again and again, even though it puts his own back against the broken glass that would have cut her to ribbons.
I loved this metaphor. I think that was what he was trying to do, even if it wasn't sustainable. She needed a tangible way to feel something, even if the only way was to feel pain. He let her by experiencing part of it for her.
and:
She knows, vaguely, that this is above and beyond simple friendship, but all of his actions stick like a lump in her throat, a blind spot that she just can't see. Barney's fuzzy around the edges and if she tries to focus on him even for a second, he just slips away, as if terrified that he'll lose her if she sees him for who he really is.
God yes. I see Barney like this in S4. He'd do anything for her, but he's so deathly terrified that she'll notice that and recognize what it means. He still can't bear rejection.

The ending is slightly unbelievable to me, but I don't care because I love it. When Robin cried because she'd never kissed him, when he wouldn't look away because he needed to know every moment if he should stop, oh. My heart.

Do you think they'll do threesomes again? hehe But I really am curious what happens after this. It broke something but didn't fix everything, and it has the potential to be awkward no matter what. If it really healed Barney and Robin, Ted could be left out. Actions work, but words cement, and still, no one's talking. I wonder.

Pet peeve note: It's the fifth wheel. Only a fifth wheel is superfluous. But since the show itself calls it a third wheel and I appear to be losing this battle to common usage and you probably know this already...well...I'll just impotently write a comment about it because I can't help it. :)
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 09:47 am (UTC)
>Wow. So good. Love. So much softer than I was expecting. Not angst at all. Teary sap at the end. Love!

Yeah, I think this story has more legs than just these two parts so the sappy ending here was justified. Besides, I like the tone that Ted sets. When Robin/Barney are alone, this changes.

>I can't remember what other fic you wrote where Barney ended up being the sun.

I remember one recently where Robin was the sun as Barney woke up. That was "Easier". But there are just so many fics!

And I agree - there's something about messianic about the Ted I write with respect to sorting Barney out. He takes on a role of comforter, healer, the one who Barney can count on when he's out of control.

>I never quite think of Ted like this. He can be a bit of a martyr.

I think you can blame Benefits entirely for this. When Ted "realises" that Barney is in love with Robin, it brings him out of himself. And the little look he gives Barney at the end of the episode, that quiet understanding, that's just so inspirational. It seems like Ted's growing up.

>But I loved that he was able to step in and change their dynamic together. Bring them to love.

Exactly. Ted's the catalyst of the show and he's the pillar that props them all up. I love that about him.

Feel the Ted!Love right now!

>She needed a tangible way to feel something, even if the only way was to feel pain. He let her by experiencing part of it for her.

I think Barney's a cool hand on her rudder (not a euphamism!!). I think he knows how to take control and how to salvage things and that's what she needs. But it doesn't come without a heavy price for him and for his soul.

>God yes. I see Barney like this in S4. He'd do anything for her, but he's so deathly terrified that she'll notice that and recognize what it means. He still can't bear rejection.

Exactly. He'll find it impossibly hard to deal with that barrier. He'll do anything for Robin (and you NEED to see the Possimpible because he almost DOES) while at the same time never letting her know exactly how much she means to him. It's horribly tragic.

>The ending is slightly unbelievable to me, but I don't care because I love it.

I agree that's there's something a little off there but it's hard to walk the fine line between sap and softening. I'm not sure I know how to fix it because the whole thing was written in a very zoned-out place of my head.

>When Robin cried because she'd never kissed him, when he wouldn't look away because he needed to know every moment if he should stop, oh. My heart.

It's a very quiet moment between them, very private. I wanted to have ROBIN understand her feelings for Barney before Ted announced it. That was important somehow.

>Do you think they'll do threesomes again? hehe But I really am curious what happens after this. It broke something but didn't fix everything, and it has the potential to be awkward no matter what. If it really healed Barney and Robin, Ted could be left out. Actions work, but words cement, and still, no one's talking. I wonder.

I'm thinking of writing a couple of companion pieces (well, one is actually written!) including a follow up. I think this all needs to be explored. I'm not sure. I'll let it unfold as I write it.

>Pet peeve note: It's the fifth wheel.

Yeah, I'm referencing the show really. It's a HIMYMism rather than anything logical or sensible.
gammameta: Barney & Robingammameta on February 6th, 2009 11:32 am (UTC)
Now that I think of it, it's mostly Robin. When I push there...

But like I've said before, I've always had trouble with your Robin. I don't feel her as well as the other characters. I don't think she is cut off from her feelings, actually. I think she has them but rules with her head, and when it comes to actual feelings, she's bad at expressing them. *finger to mouth* I don't think she *is* a cutter (if I'm taking the show and making it dark). I see her more as a man in the way she'd deal - guns, getting drunk off her ass, beating something up, overworking, overexercising or sleeping with everything that moves. But these are all part of *my* characterizations of her. I'm not certain these things apply to the Robin here.

So bear in mind, my reaction may not mean a thing. But, when I go to the end and her "I love you" and I press, I wonder...does she really? Is that feeling anything that would survive until the morning? Is that something she'd be able to say, even if she felt it? Coming out of an incredibly dark place, is she really able to give anything much back? That sort of thing requires time to recover from. Barney can't say it either. What chance that she can?

I tend to shy away from using those words in my fics, though, unless the couple has previously been established. I usually have them say something else true instead, something more specific and less scary and more...true, since I think love needs time to grow in your mind and your heart. This also could be influencing me, but to repeat myself again, I don't think any of it is a problem. In fact, I love this, as I think I've also said. :)

Will watch tonight, I think. I've had less time online. Makes avoiding spoilers easy.
idioticonion: HIMYM Hair fondlingidioticonion on February 6th, 2009 03:16 pm (UTC)
>Now that I think of it, it's mostly Robin. When I push there...

Okay... this is a fair comment on this story. But I really want you to read "Special Skills" or "Traditions" to get a little bit of a different side to "my" interpretation of Robin.

I think I need to keep your comments in mind though. I do tend to make Robin too cold.

But... "Special skills" - let me know if your opinion chages?

>But, when I go to the end and her "I love you" and I press, I wonder...does she really?

Yes, it's too sappy. You're right. I wish I could have thought of something, anything else for her to say. But then Ted couldn't have "spoken for Barney" and the structure of the story would have been thrown out.

Gah!
roland44: br kissroland44 on February 8th, 2009 07:55 am (UTC)
I love it so very much :)
idioticonion: HIMYM Awesometownidioticonion on February 8th, 2009 10:54 am (UTC)
Thank you! My icon expresses my feelings towards you! :)
(Deleted comment)
idioticonion: HIMYM Awesometownidioticonion on February 9th, 2009 09:44 am (UTC)
Yay! Thanks so much. I seem to be fixated by this threesome right now. :-)
Eternitempestdance on August 26th, 2009 05:41 am (UTC)
I had to read this story again today because I keep hearing the last line in my head.

"For the first time in more years than he cares to remember, he's happy."

I used that as my status. I hope you don't mind. :)
idioticonionidioticonion on August 26th, 2009 07:17 am (UTC)
That's so sweet! *massive hug* Of course I don't mind!